lang si

At my work place, from office to my class.

I waited for the elevator’s door to open (I wanted to go down) and when it did, it was full of Chinese students.

I just said: “It’s okay…” It was going up anyway…

Just when the doors were about to meet…one of the male student, whilst looking straight at me, said, in Mandarin la of course: “Neeh…this is the lecturer lor that they say is very lang si one…”

-__-

inhale…

exhale…

wait aaa…I might teach you next sem…

yeerrr

I do not often reveal that I know how to read, write, and speak Mandarin. Therefore, telling my students this extra bit of information about me is not a priority too.

I often have to control my facial expression every time my students complained about their assignments, gossiped about me, their group members and so on…

Most of the time, it was only after a few weeks into the lecture that my students would know. Most of the time, it was unintentional.

Student, in Mandarin.

“yeerrr…so troublesome…assignment like this also want us to do…”

Teacher, in English.

“it’s okay if you do not want to do it…I do not mind not marking it too.”

Student – small eye became big.

Teacher – smile smile and dismissed the class.

mei ling

a couple of years ago, I moved out of my rented house in sec 17, shah alam into another state and eventually settled back into selangor in equin park, seri kembangan. for some twist of fate…some of my geng rumah 17 moved in with me at equin park as well…jolly fun fun fun…our landlord was a very kind-but-limited-malay-vocab Chinese lady. I did not reveal to her that I can read, write and speak in mandarin…

so for three odd years as her tenant…we talk german with her…and her vice versa…

Until the situation became too dire.

the sink in the bathroom broke…it fell and turned into pieces. I didn’t have a clue how it happened.

we called our tenant…explained to her using the simplest malay ev-ver…but failed…she went like…

“…ooh….itu AAA…itu sing cuci itu mangKOK ka?”

“bukan, bukan auntie…itu sink dalam bilik mandi punya. Sink kecik”

“apa pasat lu mandi itu sing buleh kasi pecah?”

eh…

“bukan auntie…sink yang pecah itu adalah sink dalam bilik mandi…toilet toilet…”

“ooo toilet…tandas picah laaaa…apa pasat tandas buleh picah? Itu mahat oooo…”

“eh…mahal ke auntie…murah je lah saya rasa…”

“lu macam mana pigi toilet?”

eh…

this goes on until several more minutes…despite the lengthy explanation, the repairman did not come.

We reached the pinnacle.

“ti…ko kena explain kat auntie tu lah ti…ko kena explain ngan dia…ko cakap cina la ti…”

“aku tojeng la cik has…dan dan aku tau cakap cina plak…kesian dia doh…macam kena tipu jer nanti dia rasa…”

“habis tu…aku rasa dia tak faham tu der…”

“adoiiiiiii…kot aku dari awal dah cakap cina ngan dia tak per weh…”

then…

light bulb…

eureka…

I called our beloved auntie…

“auntie ar…saya ada satu kawan ni…dia tau cakap cina punya…dia kasi explain sama auntie pasal masalah ni ok…”

“ha ok ok ok…lagi sinang…”

“sekejap ar auntie…”

I merely put the phone inches away, pretending to be calling out to my “friend”…

by now, the others were holding onto their stomach for dear life…

I passed the phone to my Chinese-speaking “friend”.

In mandarin…I said…

“Wei…auntie...wo shi mei ling…shi…dui de…wo shi siti de peng you…tui aa…ta jiao wo lai bang ta 

jie shi yi dian dong…dui… … …”

translation:

“hello auntie, im mei ling, yes, right on, im siti’s friend...right…she asked me to come and help her to explain…yes…”

problem solved after that…

…not without donning my mandarin-speaking alter ego mei ling.

don't pry pry

I had this wild idea of incorporating facebook into my teaching…and so I did.

I was so excited to introduce this method of assessment via facebook to my students and decided to introduce it in my next lecture.

I went to my class and was horrified to find another lecturer using the room that I was supposed to be lectured in.

He explained to me that his original lecture room’s computer was broken so he had to illegally bring his student into mine.

I had to reason with the lecturer that I could not let him use my classroom for I need to use the computer too and he instructed his entire class to another lecture room.

As his students was leaving the lecture room…the last few Chinese female students saw me opening the facebook homepage.

…and they said, in full Mandarin: 

“yeerrr you see you see…she asks us to leave just so she can open her fb and play fb…so selfish ler…”

others added: “people like this also got…trouble other people only…huh…”

I stood up, straightened my cotton baju kurung, turned to them and said, in full Mandarin also ha…

"Sorry ya, the facebook account that I am opening right now is an account for student to access because I have instructed them to do something for their coursework here inside this facebook account so I do not deliberately chase you all out just so I can access the facebook account for my own personal entertainment. Please do not misunderstand ok.”

No blood on their face.

“…oh…ok ok…” nodding their head incessantly.

Don’t pry pry with me you know…