masalah dah-masak-ke-belum

fikir punya fikir...mana nak makan sebelum aku balik kl...then someone suggested Seoul Garden.

ooohhh...of course aku excited...aku tak pernah makan lagi kat Seoul Garden...

aku mmg tak adventurous when it comes to food...partly mungkin sebab manjang sengkek...so...malas nak try sana sini...takut mahal takut tak sedap...so stick to one type of food and one type of place...contoh...kot makan kat Chilli's...takde maknanya aku nak order benda lain selain Southwestern Grilled Lamb...sebab aku tau dia sedap...kang kot order benda lain...dah lah mahal...tak sodap plak tu...

so back to Seoul Garden......aku asyik dok dengar cerita orang pasal makan kat Seoul Garden...off we went to Seoul Garden kat Gurney Plaza...

ok...dah bayar...dapat tempat duduk...excited nih...excited nih...sup pon dh pilih...tom yam nih...excited nih...waiter tu pon letak lah mangkuk ayan berisi tom yam sup...excited nih....eeeehhh jap...keciknya mangkuk sup tom yam nih...letak kat tengah dapur tu...aku dh nak tegur dh...aih...dapur luas ni...keliling bnyk lagi nih kosong...kenapa letak sup tu dalam mangkuk yg sangat kecik...?

ok...wutever...imah tunggu kat meja...aku ngan cik has gi kat buffet line and pick our food...yay...excited nih....ada wantan yang dah goreng...aku amek wantan yg dah goreng...ooooo udang goreng colop topung...aku amek...ooohhhh...excited nih...sebelah tu plak, seleksi makanan steam bot...aku tak minat....aku nak yang lain...hujung tu ape...yes...ada seleksi makanan lagi...aku lapar...aku nak makan sekarang...oohhh aku nampak ayam.....ayam? ayam??? ayam nih mentah lagi?...sotong pon...udang pon.....dagingnya pon....ooohhhhhh ape nih.........

ohhh bodoh....kau kena masak sendiri daging ikan ayam ni semua noob!

dalam hati aku...cilaaa.............den nak makan toghuih....tak hadap den nak masak dulu dor...

baru aku teringat dapur kat tengah meja tu....oh crap.

aku bawa plate aku... half full of raw meat of many kinds...aku tengok table sebelah buat macam mana...aku tiru...and aku dh agak...exactly mcm memasak kat dapur!!!!!!! erghkkk..................tekujat kujat badan aku bila minyak tu terpercik...and bukannya ada sudip handle panjang...chopstick je...nak je aku sambung chopstick tu ..........kasi panjang...

eeeee...aku mmg tak suka dengan idea berada sebegitu dekat dengan kuali.............................

oklah...tak kisahlah...join in the fun...sekali sekala ye dok....poghut lapar nih...kono lak tunggu ayam ni masak...oklah...masaklah......

then...THEN..........i was haunted with the million dollar question...."DAH MASAK KE BELUM AYAM/DAGING/SOTONG NIH???????"...oh crap...

my friends was not helping either..."ntahlah ti...aku pon tak tau...aku amkan je...ngap nyam nyam nyam..."

my mom was not there either...dia lah tempat rujukan aku bila aku ada masalah dah-masak-ke-belum. aku lagi percaya kata kata mak aku yang ada kat ruang tamu tgh tgk tv dari mata dan naluri aku bila aku nak tau ape yang aku masak nih dh masak ke belum...

mama kat depan tv, aku kat dapur.
"mama, mama rasa dh masak belum nih?"
mama still kat depan tv, aku still kat dapur.
"dah masak laaa dah tu. tutup lah api."

aku tutup api...sebab aku percaya kata kata mak aku. hahahahaha.

pastu pastu pastu...aku dapat tau...masak sotong meletop...masak ikan melekat. aku tak suka aku tak suka.

Seoul Garden...bukan tempat aku.

because...

cow lah lembu

Bertahun doh aku berkawan ngan diorg ni…

boleh dikatakan…mereka adalah antara kawan melayu batch pertama aku…

Wait…sebelum ni…kawan ko sape?

Sebelum ni kawan aku banyak cina…hahahahaha….wan Malaysia maa…

Ok…nyway…like I said…dah bertahun aku berkawan ngan diaorg ni…imah, nini, tini, mamal, and bibina…

Biasalah…masa dah nak habis belajar…maisng masing dah nak bawa haluan masing masing tak lama lagi…

“weh…korang ingat sape kawin dulu weh…”

“ko lah…”

“ape aku plak…ko lah dulu…ko dah da pakwe…”

“ape plak…ko lah…”

“ko lah…”

“ko lah…”

“cow lah lembu…”

“aku rasa…sape yang takde pakwe yang akan kawin dulu…”

“ha ah…aku pon rasa…”

“ha ah…ha ah…”

“ye ke…”

“ye ah…”

tengok tengok…

masin doh mulut kitaorg!!!

Post ni untuk ko tini…untuk kita juga… nini, imah, mamal and bibina…

: )

Btw, menyampah aku tiap kali type nama mamal…auto-correct manjang auto-correct nama mamal ke mammal… -___-

pubic raper

Dulu…masa belajar…aku skema…(ape? Ape?…memang aku skema pon…tak yah nak buat bunyi bunyian…)…bila skema…aku selalu duduk depan…bila duduk depan…aku suka kacau kawan kawan aku masa diaorg tengah buat presentation…

Taaaaakkk lah…mana ada kacau…aku kan skema…aku selalu tolong lah…bila kawan kawan aku mengalami situati cemas “my train of thoughts have just derailed”.

Kak sally (bukan nama sebenar): “… … women have to be very careful of raper when they go out at night…”

Aaaaa…raper?????

Whisper…”psttt psttt kak…kak sally…bukan raper…rapist lah rapist.”

Hoshit…tak dengar…

Kak sally (bukan nama sebenar) continued her presentation: “… … a raper should be punished harshly…”

Haduiiihhh….gotta do something nih…

A-ha…

tulis atas kertas “rapist” besar besar…tala kan kat arah kak sally…

hamek ko…expresi muka kak sally dah macam bertentang mata dengan seorang raper.

p/s: kawan2 sekelas aku masa tesl…korang tau kot kak sally nih sape…hahahahahahaha…

another incident…

a classmate of mine…kak melly (bukan nama sebenar) seorang yang baik budi pekertinya…percakapan, pemakaian dijaga rapi, lemah lembut…tak lokek nasihat…seorang contoh muslimah yang baik…tak, ni serius…you gotta understand her a bit so that when I told you about what she did when she was presenting…baru korang boleh nampak ironi-nya.

She is not the type yang akan…you know…buang masa…bergossip gossip…cakap cakap nakal ni…no no no…tu aku je…dia tak…hahahahaha…

*waive* hi kak melly-bukan-nama-sebenar-but-when-you-read-this-you-know-it-is-you!!!!!!!!!

She was about to present about public caning…she took a whiteboard marker and proceeded to write something on the board…

In all seriousness…she began her presentation…

Little did she know…what she wrote was instead:

PUBIC CANING

ouch

Yeah…you go kak melly…you go girl…roarrrrrrrrrr…

p/s: kawan2 sekelas aku masa tesl…korang tau kot kak melly nih sape…hahahahahahaha…

oh…aku taulah phrase “my train of thoughts have just derailed” ni memang an overly-used phrase masa presentation kat mana mana pon…

tapi aku bagi credit kat kawan aku yang sengal ni for using it with style…or at least, for making it popular amongst my circle of friends.

Dia ni tengah buat presentation…pastu lupa point dia…senget, bengkokkan lutut kiri…tak ingat gak…senget…bengkokkan lutut kanan…tak ingat gak…letak tangan kat tepi dahi kiri…tak ingat gak…letak tangan kat tepi dahi kanan…tak ingat gak…

“hurm…ammm…ermm…wait ya…my train of thoughts have just derailed.”

And time tu…aku rasa itu alasan yang sangat cool untuk dijadikan alasan.

And let’s just name this friend of mine kak nini (bukan nama sebenar).

aku tak penakut

aku tak penakut:

terlalu lama bergelumang dengan mobile phone…aku jadi sedikit ngeri bila phone land line berbunyi dan dikala itu aku tgh sorang sorang…

kat rumah sek 17, shah alam dulu…aku hanya akan angkat phone land line bila ada orang dengan aku masa tu…baru aku berani angkat and say “hello…” kalau tak…jangan harap…I will find myself cringe for as long as there is a ringing tone…krriiing kring….krring kring…perghkkk….

kalau nini ada…aku akan suruh dia.

The same thing happened at seri kembangan…aku selalu sorang…bila phone kat ruang tamu tu berdering…aku akan pelok bantal…make sure belakang badan aku melekap kat dinding…

Sebab…who on earth yang akan call????? Semua orang yang aku kenal have my mobile number…and most of them...DO NOT have my land line number (use only for online)…so…sape? Arghk…I don’t want to know!

Aku tak penakut:

Mungkin dah biasa…sampai depan rumah…kau akan call tuan rumah and say: “weh…aku kat depan rumah ko dh nih…buka ar pintu cepat…” or at least ko tekan loceng ke…

So…bila ada ke-tu-kan di pintu… …ke-tu-kan yer…ke-tu-kan…selalunya…aku takkan buka or even go near the door!!!!!!

Masa kat rumah sek 17, shah alam dulu…bila ada jer bunyi ketukan…aku akan bangun and kira jumlah penghuni flat…1, 2, 3,…6. Cukup. Okeh, ada sape sape expect sape sape datang ke? Geleng. Takde. Sape yang kaya order pizza delivery ke mcd ke? Semua tunjuk muka poket tinggal sepusen. Ok. So, kenapa ada orang ketuk?

Teeeeeeeeeeerus aku serah tugasan berat ni kepada nini.

cito cito den

Petang ni tadi…katun upin dan ipin…cite pasal cita cita…

Hehe…

Teringat plak zaman sekolah rendah dulu…

Kan zaman zaman sekolah rendah dulu…cikgu ada bagi kad…kena isi dalam kad tu kita nak jadi ape…setiap tahun cikgu akan kasi kad tu…so…tiap tiap tahun…kita boleh tgk…kita ni consistent tak dalam penetapan cita cita kita…

Aku isi…sila abaikan tahun dan turutan…dah lupa…

Graphic designer…(aku tanya cikgu macam mana nak eja designer…ni semua…influence akak den lah ni…)

Interior designer…(ini memang aku ada bakat…dengan tidak segan silu aku mengaku…geng geng rumah sek 17…yang pernah tinggal ngan aku kat seri kembangan dulu…oh lupa…orang yang sama gak…ceh…haha…nway…these people can vouch for me…seminggu…design bilik aku and tempat belajar aku akan berubah sebanyak 3 atau 4 kali…sampai kadang kadang…kawan aku sampai naik risau dan berkata…sambil tersandar di frame pintu bilik aku…”ti…dah lah tu ti…design semalam tu aku tengok ok jer…”)

Fashion designer…(sila…hentikan gelak tawa anda…)

Lawyer…(aku tak rasa aku pandai berdebat ke?)

Tak pernah aku tulis situ cikgu….doktor jauh sekali…dari kecik aku aware…bab bab kimia bio ni aku memang fail (Subjek kimia…kot aku dapat 15 out of 100…itu adalah sebab aku dapat markah hasil lukisan penunu Bunsen serta tabung uji aku yang cantik sekali…)

Tup tup…dah bosa ni…den jadi cikgu kosan eh…

-__-

DUA JEWW???

Aku tengok skrin macbook aku nih…

aku tenung…

dua jew?

aku renung…

DUA JEW???

Aku klik butang refresh…

Klik lagi…

Dan lagi…

Dan lagi…

Masih tak berubah…masih dua.

*Satu tu aku rasa dia memang sapotif dan mungkin jua memahami.thank you yew.

**Lagi satu tu.ish.kawan se-straw, se-bantal, se-mangkuk, se-peket, se-selimut, se-kelas, se-nakal, se-gila, se-kotak (ahem), se-batang (aHEM)…dan macam macam se lagi…so…memang patutlah…

Ish…tak buleh jadi nih…tak buleh tak buleh...

Haaaa!!!!

Mentol jamban kaler kuning bosinar ateh kopalo den!

“loooooong…”

“ape?”

“ape password email ko?”

“email yang mana?”

“yang mana mana lah…”

“beep beep beep beep”

“okay…thank you long…”

“ko nak buat ape?”

“adalah…hikhikhik…”

“baaaaaaaik ko cakap ko nak buat ape?”

“ala…aku nak ko jadi follower blog aku…aku tak kira…aku nyer baru ***dua jew!”

nota:

* penulis conteng-conteng yang hebak! Tepuk tangan. Clap clap clap.

** teman kembara aku. You know who you are. High five no…eh…nini.

*** sekarang dah LIMA. saya sangat gembira. tengkiuh tengkiuh.

mei ling

a couple of years ago, I moved out of my rented house in sec 17, shah alam into another state and eventually settled back into selangor in equin park, seri kembangan. for some twist of fate…some of my geng rumah 17 moved in with me at equin park as well…jolly fun fun fun…our landlord was a very kind-but-limited-malay-vocab Chinese lady. I did not reveal to her that I can read, write and speak in mandarin…

so for three odd years as her tenant…we talk german with her…and her vice versa…

Until the situation became too dire.

the sink in the bathroom broke…it fell and turned into pieces. I didn’t have a clue how it happened.

we called our tenant…explained to her using the simplest malay ev-ver…but failed…she went like…

“…ooh….itu AAA…itu sing cuci itu mangKOK ka?”

“bukan, bukan auntie…itu sink dalam bilik mandi punya. Sink kecik”

“apa pasat lu mandi itu sing buleh kasi pecah?”

eh…

“bukan auntie…sink yang pecah itu adalah sink dalam bilik mandi…toilet toilet…”

“ooo toilet…tandas picah laaaa…apa pasat tandas buleh picah? Itu mahat oooo…”

“eh…mahal ke auntie…murah je lah saya rasa…”

“lu macam mana pigi toilet?”

eh…

this goes on until several more minutes…despite the lengthy explanation, the repairman did not come.

We reached the pinnacle.

“ti…ko kena explain kat auntie tu lah ti…ko kena explain ngan dia…ko cakap cina la ti…”

“aku tojeng la cik has…dan dan aku tau cakap cina plak…kesian dia doh…macam kena tipu jer nanti dia rasa…”

“habis tu…aku rasa dia tak faham tu der…”

“adoiiiiiii…kot aku dari awal dah cakap cina ngan dia tak per weh…”

then…

light bulb…

eureka…

I called our beloved auntie…

“auntie ar…saya ada satu kawan ni…dia tau cakap cina punya…dia kasi explain sama auntie pasal masalah ni ok…”

“ha ok ok ok…lagi sinang…”

“sekejap ar auntie…”

I merely put the phone inches away, pretending to be calling out to my “friend”…

by now, the others were holding onto their stomach for dear life…

I passed the phone to my Chinese-speaking “friend”.

In mandarin…I said…

“Wei…auntie...wo shi mei ling…shi…dui de…wo shi siti de peng you…tui aa…ta jiao wo lai bang ta 

jie shi yi dian dong…dui… … …”

translation:

“hello auntie, im mei ling, yes, right on, im siti’s friend...right…she asked me to come and help her to explain…yes…”

problem solved after that…

…not without donning my mandarin-speaking alter ego mei ling.

API! API! API!

I refuse to did not see myself as a drama queen, much to the objection of my close friends…I often thought my other friend would be aptly named as a drama queen instead of me…

Let me just describe this dear friend of mine as Ipoh born and bred…

*waive at her* then *run*

May be this event cemented the title onto my name…Just for the record, this emergency-worthy incident took place years ago when I was a student, renting with some other very dear dear friends.

This other friend of mine is very meticulous. Suffice to say, she even iron…erm…her T-shirt.

So, there she was, routinely ironed her tudung. The rest of us went about doing our own thing around the house…I think, altogether, there were five of us. I was, I think, sitting on the floor, quite close to where she was ironing, reading, I think.

Then, suddenly, the IRON CAUGHT FIRE. It caught fire at the connection between the iron’s body and the wire. She let out a small cry (not dramatic at all this friend of mine…more logical and practical). With a house as big as a chicken coop, her faint cry caught our attention.

At the speed of light, I stood up, faced the burning iron, flapped my hand like a chicken, and loudly yelled “API! API! API! API! API! AAAA! API! API! API!”

Needless to say, after I lost my breath yelling for help like a damsel in distress, the atmosphere became calm and quiet. All eyes were on me. Another more collected and calm friend just poured a glass, yes, just a glass of water onto the burning iron and the fire ceased. On the other hand, my logical and practical friend, still standing at the same spot, was seen dabbing her slightly burnt hand, and obviously was taken aback at my method of looking for help.

I blurted out: “Aaa…nasib baik…dah…padam.”

My other less sympathetic friend said: “Ko ni kenapa? Tak pasal pasal satu blok ni belari kuar kang…”

It didn’t stop there… “Ko punya jerit…memang macam satu blok nilah dah tebakar…”

-__-