kawan nak balik ma..

he was very positive, he was very upbeat about the operation on 7th July 2006. he was very very very very very very very very very sure that the operation can cure him, can release him from the pain that he was suffering.

"ma, besok kan operation tu."
"iye bang."
"boleh sihat balik kan ma."
"insyAllah bang...insyAllah."

"tak hilang pon sakit ni ma."
"baru je lepas operation bang...memang mcm tu...ubat bius baru habis...memang lah awak terasa sakit..."
*she turned a round and cried; i took over
"yah...ayah nak ape ape? nak naik kan sikit katil ni tak?
"doktor cakap ape dik? doktor cakap tak sakit ape?"
"doktor tak cakap lagi sakit ape yah."
*aku genggam tangan aku kuat kuat, aku tahan nangis
"sakit jer lagi nih..."
"sabarlah yah..."

within a few days after the operation, he grew in and out of consciousness. this was heavily due to the steroid he was prescribed to. as the cancer could not be removed, the only way was to give him steroids to reduce the pain. the operation left a hole in the middle of his very round and hardened stomach. a specially design plastic bag was used to retain the fluid that was constantly comin out from the hole. the plastic bag was to be changed a few times in a day. he grew impatient after a week. he, i think, knew...he got cancer though no one ever utter that word in front of him. everything that took place around him, further confirmed his thoughts. by then, we had called his friends to come over, i will wait a few steps before the door, explain the situation to his friends - that he did not know actually what happen so do not be stupid by spilling that out to him. we asked his friends to tell encouragin words, to tell funny jokes, to include him in their next hunting trip, fishing trip, other wild trip...to give him hope, albeit a false ones.

"ma, kawan dah tak tahan lagi dah ma...sakit ma..."
"sabar lah bang...sabar ye..."
"kawan nak balik ma..."
"nak balik mana bang? nak balik mana?"
"kawan nak balik la..."