asyik terkena

"dik, kesiannye ko.kenape ko asyik terkena je dengan benda macam ni?kesiannye ko…"

it’s normal.perfectly normal.after every presentation, lecturer and the whole class, they will post question and discuss about the theme, main idea or whatever…

that day, they are discussing about Ovidia Yu’s short story, "a dream of china" . for those who knew me. they would notice that something is wrong somewhere. i was not myself. i was extra quiet. i was not participating.

truth is, i just could not bring my heart to join the discussion, no matter how interesting it might have been. they are discussing about something that have just recently happened to me. ( as a matter of fact, i’m afraid that i would still refer to this incident as "recently happened" even 10 years after this ) some of the questions were: should we or should we not make decision on behalf of our parents? i myself have been in that situation, and believe me, it was not easy and it was not going to be easy. and for someone to provide the answer out of thin air…aiya…i felt like holding that person’s shoulder, look into his or her eyes and tell them, no, it was not like that at all.

i’m not at all angry at bin bin for saying that most elders would love to die at their own home, or country of origin. it’s true. and that is excatly what my ayah had wished for.

reason why my sister said "asyik terkena" is because, this is not the first time that the discussion in the classroom had been around the topic of death.

i experienced once in creative writing class. the lecturer told us to wrie a poem of a dying person…haiyo, how could i when my ayah have just passed away not even a week before! and no, i’m not blaming the lecturer.i’m not blaming anyone or anything at all. may be me, myself a little.